its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
