Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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