now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
