You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
