Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
