He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
