i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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