He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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