he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
how does that bad decision feel?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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