you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
