it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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