Your dad touched me again.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
