I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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