totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
