I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
