When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Randomize
