I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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