So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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