K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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