It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
