His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
