so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
