its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
