i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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