There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
