I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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