This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
