3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
