I accidentally had phone sex last night
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
