You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
