the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
