walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Randomize
