I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Terrible idea I love it
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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