direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
