people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
