It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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