My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
