woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
