So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
