So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
