those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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