you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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