How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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