CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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