There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
