i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
