Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Your cock deserves a montage
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
