I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
