see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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