I will die if light touches me.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
