im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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