Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
